Maybe Not

Man, I am so jealous of you two. You are so good together and you each have someone who truly makes you happy.

As I drove onto the street last night I saw the two of you walking toward your car, your arm locked around his, pressing up against him, not only for warmth, but because you can't stand to be apart from him.

A wave of emotions washed over me the moment my eyes took you in.

Happiness that you are so happy being with him.

Sadness that I may never know that feeling.

Fear that he could fuck things up and hurt you.

Anger at the guys who did, and still, hurt you.

Regret that you both left my house that night before I was ready to let you leave.

It all adds up to jealousy. I'm so jealous of you both for what you have found in each other.

But as far as I am concerned, he gets the better end of the deal in being with you. You're so funny, and intelligent and caring and super gorgeous, not to mention that you're a hockey fan. Girls like you seem to be getting more and more rare. You're one in a billion.

But it's not that you got stiffed either. He's funny and intelligent and caring and practical, not to mention super talented at fucking everything. How could a guy like me ever stand a chance against a guy like him?

Don't let me sour what you have though. You two are beautiful together. If my life weren't so screwed up right now, the only emotion I'd feel when I see you together would be complete happiness.

Maybe someday, if I ever get my life back on solid ground, maybe I'll find someone for me. Someone like you. Or maybe she'll find me when she's supposed to, like you keep telling me. Or maybe we'll find each other, bumping into each other in a small coffee shop and then later, shopping after work. Maybe.

Maybe not.

I'm so happy for you, my dear friend. Do not be saddened by any of the doubts and fears that come into your mind. Be happy that you are fortunate enough to be where you are. Your insecurities are grossly unfounded.