I haven't posted in a while so I might as well do so now. I'm at work and it's a fairly easy night so I have to fill the time somehow. Good thing Johnny's not here. He'd be making me work or something.
As I write this, it's 2:15 Friday morning. It has taken it's sweet ass time getting here, but having finally arrived, the little stress from the week is all but gone. But despite being a long week, it was a surprisingly good one. Starting Monday, I've managed to read a lot more than I've been able to and since the book I'm reading is amazing, it did wonders for my morale in general.
On Tuesday I received a surprise Christmas present: a 5L mini keg of Heineken. Fantastic. It takes forever to chill but it's Heineken. It's worth the wait. For once, I'll have something to serve the guys when they come over this weekend.
On Wednesday I got my annual review at work. This being a public forum, I can't give any specific details, but it was the single best review I've ever gotten. Working nights, I've gotten used to doing a butt load of work with little to no recognition from any day staff or managers but knowing that my glowing review was not only approved, but agreed with by upper management completely made my week.
Thursday brought a nice surprise in that I got to see a friend of mine whom I haven't seen in a while. It's honestly astonishing how much people can take for granted the once or twice a week they may see a friend. And that helped me realise how lucky I am to have the close friends I do and the frequency in which I see them.
Friday brings payday. Not the biggest and best thing by far to happen this week, but it is a highlight.
Saturday should bring friends and laughter which, despite the good things that happened to me, were seriously lacking this week. Oh, and beer. And xbox. And who knows what else.
Everyone reading this is officially invited to my house Saturday, whenever you feel like coming. Good times are to be had by all.
Thursday 24 March 2011
Friday 11 March 2011
Again
I don't want to be me anymore. I'm tired of it. No one likes me anyway. Even my closest friends, despite their words, can only take a little of me before hating me and moving on. Maybe someday I'll be a better person. A likeable person. Until then, I guess I'll just wish it.
Monday 7 March 2011
I Feel Like a Carebear
I forgot how to hug you. It's the dumbest thing to forget how to hug someone, I know, but our hugs were always different. I can't believe I forgot.
Hugs are a simple but good thing. They are an easy way to show affection. Not necessarily romantic affection, but the affection between friends. They're a physical representation that we like or love someone, as well as a symbol of our respect and admiration of them. I realise I'm putting a lot of weight behind such a simple gesture but this is what I have found hugs to mean. A gesture of love.
But our hugs were anything but simple, weren't they? I wouldn't say they were romantic. No, they weren't that. But they were more than friends showing care for one another. After a hard week of work and school and the various problems life brings, when we finally embraced on Sunday, everything just stopped. There was no stressful job to return to tomorrow. There was no paper due much too soon to be finished properly. There was nothing but you and me, holding so tight it was sometimes hard to breathe.
And that's partially what I forgot. Not only did I forget the physical way we hug, which is different than the way I hug anyone else, but I forgot the emotional way we hug. I forgot how it felt. I forgot how it made me forget all the shit. I forgot.
Heh heh... I made it awkward on Sunday, didn't I? You're so small and I leaned down to hug you like I would hug anyone else but you pushed past my faulty gesture, wrapped your arms around me and squeezed, your head tight against my chest. In all honesty, I was surprised at that and for the briefest of moments, I didn't know what to do. Then, like a rush of water, it came back. My arms went around you and I squeezed back. Our embrace didn't last as long as they used to, but it held just long enough to know that it was more than just a hug. More than just two friends showing care for one another. It was weighted with memory. With every hug we've ever shared. With every chance meeting of our eyes resulting in laughter. With every sick call I made so we could spend those summer evenings sitting in the grass or in the swings, pumping our legs to go higher and higher.
I forgot how to hug you. It's the dumbest thing to forget how to hug someone, I know, but our hugs were always different. I can't believe I forgot. But you reminded me. You never forgot, it seems. Thank you. Hopefully, this is the start of something good between us. At the very least, it's the restart of the good we once had.
Hugs are a simple but good thing. They are an easy way to show affection. Not necessarily romantic affection, but the affection between friends. They're a physical representation that we like or love someone, as well as a symbol of our respect and admiration of them. I realise I'm putting a lot of weight behind such a simple gesture but this is what I have found hugs to mean. A gesture of love.
But our hugs were anything but simple, weren't they? I wouldn't say they were romantic. No, they weren't that. But they were more than friends showing care for one another. After a hard week of work and school and the various problems life brings, when we finally embraced on Sunday, everything just stopped. There was no stressful job to return to tomorrow. There was no paper due much too soon to be finished properly. There was nothing but you and me, holding so tight it was sometimes hard to breathe.
And that's partially what I forgot. Not only did I forget the physical way we hug, which is different than the way I hug anyone else, but I forgot the emotional way we hug. I forgot how it felt. I forgot how it made me forget all the shit. I forgot.
Heh heh... I made it awkward on Sunday, didn't I? You're so small and I leaned down to hug you like I would hug anyone else but you pushed past my faulty gesture, wrapped your arms around me and squeezed, your head tight against my chest. In all honesty, I was surprised at that and for the briefest of moments, I didn't know what to do. Then, like a rush of water, it came back. My arms went around you and I squeezed back. Our embrace didn't last as long as they used to, but it held just long enough to know that it was more than just a hug. More than just two friends showing care for one another. It was weighted with memory. With every hug we've ever shared. With every chance meeting of our eyes resulting in laughter. With every sick call I made so we could spend those summer evenings sitting in the grass or in the swings, pumping our legs to go higher and higher.
I forgot how to hug you. It's the dumbest thing to forget how to hug someone, I know, but our hugs were always different. I can't believe I forgot. But you reminded me. You never forgot, it seems. Thank you. Hopefully, this is the start of something good between us. At the very least, it's the restart of the good we once had.
Worse This Time
I really wanted to post something here this weekend but I am way to depressed for that right now. I wish there was a way to shut yourself off for a while. Just turn off your senses, comprehension, feelings. Everything. Just for a while. Even the lack of any feeling or emotion would be better than this.
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