You push. All you do is push. Push and push until they finally push back. Mumbling apologies to hide mistrust. Smiling to hide disdain. And you buy it. Well, deep down you know it's all bullshit, words to make sure you don't catch on, but on the surface you want to believe they're true. And that's when the hurt starts to creep in. It only starts on the surface, sliding across your skin, but it works it's way down. Through muscle and tissue, nerves and veins, the pain moves deeper. It scrapes on your bones with ferocity and burns your marrow in a blaze of unbearable fire and tears. Pain. Everything. Everywhere. You scream but no one hears. No one wants to hear. Every breath sends lances of fire through your being. Your fists tremble violently with the effort it takes to stay still. And then, through the pain and the tears and the sheer ferocity of it all, you push again.
Push.
Thursday 17 November 2011
Front Teeth
All I want for Christmas is to know that even just one person will miss me when I'm gone.
Sunday 6 November 2011
Wimp
When will it stop, this ache in his heart? Why has it not gone away?
Imagine three scenes:
A guy sitting in church, sitting with friends.
A guy at work, in a warehouse, working with people he's worked with for years.
A guy in a restaurant, sitting across from his friends, all laughing.
Look closely at that guy. Look into his eyes. If you look close enough, you will see the smiles are just a cover. They are just the outer layer that does not reach down to the core. You will see sadness in his eyes. Sadness and loneliness and fear.
But why? Why, in these scenarios, is this guy sad? Or lonely? If only you could look into his heart. You would see sadness as he realises he doesn't belong. You would see loneliness for being the odd one out; the only one without a partner. You would see fear that everyone around him would realise these things and leave him behind. You would see heart crushing emotion that threatens to batter him into a husk of tears and sobs the moment he let's his guard down.
But why does he feel these emotions when surrounded by his friends?
He doesn't know.
For what feels like forever he has tried to puzzle out why he cannot be happy. Forever he has yearned that his smile would not be so forced. Forever he has wished that he could feel loved.
That's it, isn't it? Love. He doesn't feel loved. In every scene we see him among friends and co-workers but sadness in his eyes. It's because he feels unloved and not cared about. He wants to believe they would notice if he stopped being there. He wants to believe there would be someone by his side in tragedy. He wants to believe a tear would be shed if he ceased to breathe.
He has so much love for all those people. Why don't they ever love him back?
Imagine three scenes:
A guy sitting in church, sitting with friends.
A guy at work, in a warehouse, working with people he's worked with for years.
A guy in a restaurant, sitting across from his friends, all laughing.
Look closely at that guy. Look into his eyes. If you look close enough, you will see the smiles are just a cover. They are just the outer layer that does not reach down to the core. You will see sadness in his eyes. Sadness and loneliness and fear.
But why? Why, in these scenarios, is this guy sad? Or lonely? If only you could look into his heart. You would see sadness as he realises he doesn't belong. You would see loneliness for being the odd one out; the only one without a partner. You would see fear that everyone around him would realise these things and leave him behind. You would see heart crushing emotion that threatens to batter him into a husk of tears and sobs the moment he let's his guard down.
But why does he feel these emotions when surrounded by his friends?
He doesn't know.
For what feels like forever he has tried to puzzle out why he cannot be happy. Forever he has yearned that his smile would not be so forced. Forever he has wished that he could feel loved.
That's it, isn't it? Love. He doesn't feel loved. In every scene we see him among friends and co-workers but sadness in his eyes. It's because he feels unloved and not cared about. He wants to believe they would notice if he stopped being there. He wants to believe there would be someone by his side in tragedy. He wants to believe a tear would be shed if he ceased to breathe.
He has so much love for all those people. Why don't they ever love him back?
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)