Mixed Bag

It's such a mixed bag of feelings I get when I see you. Pain, joy, shame, fear, love, anger. So much shame that rips my heart apart. So much pain from the memories of being your friend. Emotions I never thought I'd feel towards you. But still you manage to do what you've always done.

You inspire me.

The dedication and perseverance I see in you for the things that are important to others is astounding. I watch you pour all you have into one small thing, accepting nothing less than perfection from yourself. You work tirelessly at one task, never stopping until you are satisfied. Your standards for what you do for others are set almost impossibly high, but you don't rest until they are met. You put your all into what is important to you. Others.

It's almost hard to watch. You make me look like a selfish pig, though some would argue that I do that myself. You stand head and shoulders above the rest of us for this. Any love I feel for you pales next to the love behind your actions for others. You shame me further simply by being true to God and true to yourself.

You're still my hero. I wish I could tell you that. If I weren't such a coward, I'd have a hard time not telling you every time I see you. I love you, I care dearly for you, and I miss you more than any word in any language could speak.

I wish I could die for you.