2:48 a.m.

It's that time of the week again. That make-or-break time where I can either have a good weekend ahead of me or a bad one. It's 2:48 Saturday morning and I know already that I've got nothing to look forward to. The few friends I have are either away, working or just not answering my various attempts to see what they're up to. Maybe if I were a better person, more emotionally stable, I wouldn't be having such a tough time with this.

I go through my weeks alone. I have friends at work, and the interactions I have with them are always great, but it's at work. There's a different mental attitude in that building, something always in the back of my mind or hovering over my head. In the end, none of those interactions are very fulfilling at all. The real joy I get from spending time with my friends comes from spending time with them on the weekend. Even the time I have with my friends at church pales to the time I spend with them outside of the church, on our own time. Maybe it's because we all chose to be there. It's not in any way an obligation. In my mind, that makes the biggest difference. You chose to be with me.

No, I can't expect my friends to be around all the time. Obviously, I understand that they have other things to do, and really, I'm happy for any of them who are out having a good time. It's just kind of depressing to be heading into a two-and-a-half day period where I'm essentially going to see no one but myself. I spend enough time with me during the week. I'm not that great.

I never thought I'd say this but the sooner this weekend comes to a close and I can get back to work on Monday, the better. This loneliness is going to kill me.