Earbuds in his ears, he turned up the music to near maximum. Maybe if it were loud enough he wouldn't be able to think. With as much on his mind as there was, an empty void is better than the reality he built for himself.
When did doing the right thing become so hard? Why did he always have to take things so far that he had to take drastic measures to do what comes so naturally to everyone else? When did he lose the concept of normality?
He stood up from his seat on the concrete as the bus pulled up and hit pause. Dropping a token into the slot, he made his way to the back and sat down. He hit play and ignored the looks from the other passengers, startled at the volume of the hard rock music they could hear quite clearly.
The music wasn't working. Despite his "pedestrian face", the tough face he put on when he didn't want to be bothered, his heart was breaking on the inside. He'd been a fool and now he must pay for it. Why was he so quick to love? More importantly, why was he so quick to destroy the little good in his life?
He stood, pulling on the cord to signal his stop, and stepped up to the door. Almost home. Maybe the tv would distract him enough to forget for a while. Even a little while would be bliss. The doors opened and he stepped out, blinking as the low evening sun hit his face. He turned and began walking the last leg of his journey home.
Thoughts still creeping in, he cast his eyes to the ground. Why did he push her away? Shame was an almost physical force, pushing his head down in sorrow. Only one day and he already missed her. But he'd been through this before. He'd get through it again, wouldn't he? And it was for the best, wasn't it? He didn't want to get through it. That would be too easy and he didn't deserve easy. Why couldn't he be normal?
Why can't I be normal?
A song came on he hadn't heard in years. Turning the volume up even more, thought finally started to drift away.
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