Blue

Blue in the face, I keep going. I keep speaking. I never stop, though you tell me to. I fear that if I do, you will forget. I need this knowledge at the forefront of your mind. I need you aware at all times.

I'm here. Always.

Please don't forget.

Revisited

I'm here.

I love you.

I don't care if you need to stay up crying all night long, I will stay with you. There's nothing you could ever do to lose my love. I will protect you until you die and after your death I will protect you still. I am stronger than depression and I am brave than loneliness.

And nothing will ever exhaust me.

Beholden

"Beauty is in the eye of the beholder."

When I behold you, my darling, all I see is beauty.

Memory

I forgot how right everything becomes when you're sitting next to me. When you smile at me, everything is made better. When you touch me, all my problems melt. And when you kiss my cheek, I can't help but smile for a week.

When my best friend is sitting next to me.

Pumpkin Pie

It forms. Slowly at first, but its speed builds. The wind swirls, gaining in ferocity as its speed continues to rise. It races down to the ground, sweeping over hills and pains. It bursts past homes and buildings, whipping wildly through trees and lifting helpless leaves high into the air. It rounds the smokestack of a factory before hitting the open water. With nothing to slow it's pace, its intensity rages full, it pushes on toward the helpless couple on the water's edge.

Wind whipping around us as we walk, I stop you and reach toward your face. Fingers clothed in winter gloves, I awkwardly pull the stray hairs from your lips. Walking along the lake this cold December day, the overcast skies and dead plants can't detract from the beauty in my vision. But not a fraction of that beauty comes from the natural scenery surrounding me. It's standing in front of me, practically choking on her hair that the wild winter wind stuck to her lip gloss.

Finally, her lips from vagrant hair, we continue our stroll along the lake. My effort quickly proves useless as the unyielding wind continues it's assault and forces more hair to her lips. But despite frequent stops to correct her errant strands, we enjoy our walk, the first in far too long.

Nearly back to our car but not yet ready to leave, we find respite under a nearby gazebo. You are so beautiful. I know I shouldn't think that, but I am only human. How can I deny what is in front of me?

I step toward you and reach my arms around you. Bundled against the cold in bulky jackets and gloves, it is an awkward hug but it is a godsend. I haven't been able to just hold you in so long. The sight of your pain-filled eyes flashes in my head and I squeeze you even tighter. If you hadn't pulled away we'd probably still be standing there, holding each other in our awkward, meaningful embrace.

But this is reality. You pull away and we walk back to the car, your arm once again in mine. Then it occurs to me. You lied to me. You said you wouldn't get me a Christmas present and yet, here you are, giving me the best gift a guy could ever ask for.

Merry Christmas my Pumpkin Pie

Fiver

You raised your hand to give me a high five. All because you're proud of me. I actually did something to make someone proud. That is a moment worth remembering.

Thank you for such amazing support.

The Past

I wonder, how will you remember me? Will you remember the happy-go-lucky guy you met back in April? Will you remember the sad, pathetic guy who yearned for your affection? Will you remember the frustrated, miserable guy who just wanted a friend?

Or will you remember me? The guy who put you first over everyone. The guy who treated your wish as a command. The guy you laughed your guts out with almost every day. The guy who could somehow blow your mind with a 9 or by cleaning your glasses. The guy who was always there, day or night, rain or shine. The guy who had nothing but love and kind words for you no matter how you treated him.

Who will you remember?

I will remember you. The girl who made me step outside my comfort zone and experience a little bit of life with her. The girl who would always make time, no matter the tasks on her plate. The girl who knew best and made sure I benefited from it. The girl who was lonely and just wanted her friend there to talk to.

That's who I will remember.

But there are two images stuck in my head of the girl I love so dearly.

I remember her in her yellow top, walking up to me at work, my heart pounding at the sight of her.

I remember her jumping out of her car, completely exited to see me, yelling "Happy birthday!!" and leaping into my arms.

You criticize me for living in the past, but my darling, the past is all I have left of you.