When I close my eyes, I see you. When I sit in silence, I hear you. When the wind blows against my skin, I feel you. For seemingly no reason at all, I can almost always smell you.
But what I really want is to open my eyes and see you. I want to hear you whisper in my ear. Feel the warmth of your touch. I want your scent to never leave my lungs.
So if I could have just one wish, I would wish for you to be lying here next to me.
You're like the song stuck in my head that won't leave my mind no matter what I do. The one difference is that I like it when you're there.
Journal entry for August 20, 2012.
Hey Journal,
I gotta tell you about this girl. She came into my world and blew me away. Almost literally. When I first started seeing her around work, it was amazing. She was so beautiful. Her face, her body, her hair. She had the whole package going on. Then I actually started talking to her here and there. Her voice was so sweet. Her laugh was like music. Her eyes were stunning. And then I got her number and we started really talking. That's when my mind exploded. She was so smart and funny and witty and intelligent! And she listened to me! And remembered what I said! No one ever did that!
Days turned into weeks and weeks turned into months. We got closer and closer until one day, she finally kissed me. My first kiss, to be precise. What an incredible girl! And she actually liked me! I was blown away. Every day that I got to see her smile was a good day.
Since then, things have changed a little. We've had many ups and downs, typically quite large in both directions. The downs were terrible and the highs were incredible.
But here's the real funny thing about her and me. These highs and lows just brought us closer together. It wasn't until after the fights and the arguments that we started to laugh. Laugh so hard that it was hard to breathe. And we could even talk about the bad shit that had happened and laugh about that too! Somehow, the problems we had made our relationship, whatever it was, stronger. And it made my love for her even stronger. Before you ask, no, I don't think it's a romantic love. Not yet. But I do love her. More than most.
I don't know what the future holds for the two of us. Whether we'll be together or apart, stay close or hate each other's guts. But I know one thing. The love I have for her won't go away. Not ever. It's too strong to dwindle.
She blows my mind and rocks my world. (Yes, I know that's horribly cheesy but I don't care.)
You may not be perfect, but you're perfect for me. Absolutely perfect. And everything we've gone through? Well, you are worth it. That and a whole lot more. There is nothing I will not do for you.
How is it that when I see your smile it's like the first time I ever laid eyes on you? How is it that when I hear you laugh, it's like the first time I ever heard your voice? How is it that you are becoming more and more beautiful in front of my eyes? How is it that you still cause my heart to leap in my chest? How is it that you keep blowing my mind after all this time? How is it that you are this amazing?
I can't wait for you to come back. Maybe I'll get to talk to you. Then you can do what you always do.
Say exactly what I need to hear.
You'll spell things out in a way I never saw before. You'll make sense of a senseless situation. You'll bring order to my chaos. You will bring tears of shame to my eyes for how I have failed. You'll hug me and make the pain go away. You'll support me in every way you can.
I have never missed you so much in my life.
Hurry back. I need you.
Your eyes. They pierce me. They look through my eyes and into my heart, into my soul. You look at me and I pour myself into your hands. I see the tears in your eyes through the tears in mine. The hope doesn't dwindle. A smile breaks through to your lips. The sun rises and dries the tears on your cheeks. I smile back. Thunder rolls in the distance. We smile on. The clouds draw closer. Still we smile. Rain drops. Smiles. You turn around. My gaze does not drop from you. The storm darkens the sun. Tears form again in your eyes. With tears in my eyes, I smile on. Strength eludes me. My smile fades. You turn away again. The sun comes out.
There's always a smile in my heart. I suspect in yours too.
