Something New

To any and all of you who came out Saturday night, thank you so much. Every time I go out, almost literally every time, at some point in the evening I hit a wall. I stop enjoying myself. I realise I'm alone in a crowd. I want to crawl away and die.

But not this time.

For once, I had a fantastic time the entire night. There were disappointments such as the birthday girl not being able to make it, but even that paled in comparison to being truly happy. I smiled, and it wasn't just a brave face. It wasn't to mask the real emotion inside.

I couldn't have stopped smiling if I tried.

Reminder

You make forgetting look so easy.

Borrowed from here.

Resolution

To any and all who may still be reading, I've decided to let you in on one of my resolutions for the new year. I want to post here at least once a week. That's at least 52 posts in 2012. (Don't worry. I don't count this one and therefore am not cheating.) It's going to be a little tougher than usual as Blogger no longer supports the browser on the computers at work or on my phone, so I have to do all my posting from my home computer, which I'm not too keen on sitting in front of. But that's what resolutions are about, right? Finding something about yourself you want to change and changing it. Change is hard and therefore, resolutions are hard.

That's why I'm going to ask for your help.

I find it so much easier to write consistently if I have feedback on my writing. If you come across one of my posts that you find interesting for any reason, please leave a comment. Good or bad, I take it to heart and it does inspire me to continue and to do better the next time.

To those of you I know do still read my stuff, I respect your opinions very highly and do enjoy hearing your feedback, positive or negative. Please don't hold back on criticisms or down play reinforcements.

Thank you so much for reading. I do hope you return.

Happy New Year!

My Sweater

You're so wrong for me. Everything you do, everything you say, it all screams wrong.

Why then, when I hold you, does everything feel so right? When you squeeze me as tight as you can, why don't I want you to let go? When you rub my back to comfort me, why do I feel so much better? When you're talking to me, why don't I want you to stop? When your ride arrives to pick you up, why don't I want you to leave? When I smell you on my sweater after you've gone, why can't I stop breathing you in?

Why do you make me feel like I won't get hurt again?

Never Fails

Just when things start looking up, just when I think I have a few days, maybe even a week of happiness to look forward to, something always brings me down. Someone.

Why did it have to be you?

Brown Eyed Girl

Almost. You almost let me forget your eyes. Your big brown eyes that very nearly sparkle and make you look like you're excited about everything. You mesmerise me without even trying. I can barely hear the words you're saying for all my attention is focused into your eyes.

You are beautiful. Gorgeous. Stunning. It's been so long and you were slowly drifting out of my thoughts but as soon as you came into sight, every feeling came right back to the forefront. A want to be with you. A longing that I would mean as much to you as you do to me. A painful knowledge that I never will.

And then it all fades away again as I look into your eyes and I realise something. I'm no longer stressed or angry. I'm not longer sad or lonely. I'm not at all upset or depressed. What do you do to me? I feel...

Happy.

How Many Before It's A Streak?

Here we are again. The Christmas season. Holidays abound and everyone reaches out to spend time with their loved ones, friends and family alike.

Smiles gleam and the sounds laughter escape warm houses and drift into the cold night air. They echo down to the brightly lit street where I stroll, alone in the night as snow slowly gathers on my shoulders from the falling flakes.

At the first house, I walk up the yard and peer into the frost tinged window, blinking as the light hits my eyes. Muffled singing seeps through to my ears as I stare at the delight on the faces of friends crooning together, arms over shoulders, drinks in hand. What they were singing didn't matter. They were together and that was where the happiness came from. Being together. A twinge of pain pulls my eyes away and I return to my walk down the middle of the road.

I approach another house flooding the snow with light and I hesitantly make my way to the window. While the gathering here is slightly more tame than the previous party, not a single person inside is enjoying themselves any less. Everyone is sitting comfortably around the elaborately decorated room, simply talking. Their conversation is a mystery to me, but I can't help but imagine tales of years gone by, everyone fondly reminiscing the happy past they shared. Blinking away tears before they could fall, I back away to the street.

I walk on, sounds of happiness echoing in my ears. I've never had the strength to hold these tears back on my own for very long. Walking down the street alone, surrounded by the happiness of those I love who don't even see me, I've never felt so alone. So isolated. So broken. The tears break through.

Here we are again. The Christmas season. Holidays abound and everyone reaches out to spend time with their loved ones, friends and family alike. This metaphor is not far from the truth. I can't wait for January when people remember me again.